I'm disowning blogger, so sorry but this is more of my 'fun' blog. I need to get serious about stuff - thus growing up to http://withoutyouiamjustme.tumblr.com/

Go subsribe, that would be really nice you know? And I'm still a noob so the stuff down the side is all french to me. PUN.

Goodbye blogger, and Jac, you best get tumblr :) My american friend

xxx

A thousand painted eyes.

Bugger.

And that is not aimed at my exam results, they weren't that bad.

Where are the tour dates you promised!?

Lexi got a hair cut.

And he smiles in the video also, what is the world coming to? ;)

http://www.bebo.com/FlashBox.jsp?FlashBoxId=9833890077&MID=3611618708

Weightless

This is what summers all about - at least what it used to be all about. Like a simple cauliflower butterfly gliding along the soft warm haze, I have this feeling that I am weightless. Before everything mattered, every thought, every feeling and every moment - but now that doesn't seem rellevent at all.

I was walking along the country lanes of Colwall this morning, call it old fashioned, but as I walked I took in the beautifully crafted houses and the scenery in the area. Its really nice out there and I don't care if I sound old. Most people will know that someday I aspire to move to New York City, hopefully there I will find my dreams in journalism. But being out there kind of makes me realise that what I really want is right here, but I do understand that certain dreams will not be met either way. Sometimes there isn't a true compromise.

Being bought up in a small town I think this will always shape me to want to quieter side of life, heck, its a fate tempter at following my other ambition of being an author but why am I even talking about the future? Oh, subconcious pretentions pulling through here.

Lately though, I feel like I've had a mask on for the last six months - and someones taken it off. Now my friends, I can see in colour - everythings so sharp and new and I feel incredible. I can't quite think as to what has made this happen but its amazing and everywhere I look seems to have a positive side to it. And my friend's...I don't think I've ever known how wonderful they are :) Cheers guys!

Love for you all, but I love Birdo more ;)

xxx

Oh and screw typos, grammar freak has left the building.

Don't read this.

Why does this bother me so much? Why does it even matter?

It shouldn't. It couldn't. It doesn't...does it?

Not after all of the promises I have made and all the words I've ironed out with care - that should be decleration for why none of this should bother me. But it fucking does. I shouldn't have even deluded myself into thinking that something like that would be possible...

This is a lesson to everyone - never take anything you have for granted because one day it'll be gone and won't come back.

Eat this.

Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.
Mindblank.

...Wut??

Blank

"This charade is never going to last, so pick the poison and pour yourself a glass."

Has anyone else noticed the constant timer above my head? It swings in time with my metronome - every second, every swing - its slowly becoming harder to endure. This time last week sugar did not make me feel sick, not in this way at least. It fueled my smile like cocaine except the high was permenant.

I think I've chosen my poison, and its unbearable. I didn't want to write this blog but the more I think the more I worry and the more I worry the more the poison spreads.

Things used to be so simple, didn't they?

Bugger.

We all start as simple pieces of playdough. Theres so much promise, so much possible - and choices decide what this blank canvas will become.

A work of art? A modern day disaster?

The sun, the country, and the er,,,twitter?

The pros and cons of good weather - it makes your makeup run but its generally nice to talk in. Thats all I've got to say as I'm in an odd state of surrealism at the moment. Theres a blue sky above my head, a metronome in my chest and a buzzing smile across my lips. But why?

For a start, I just got tweeted by the lovely elliot minor. But I got a bit confused as to how to reply..so thats made today pretty much perfect. This week isn't shaping up to be that bad either, I've been busy every day and each has ended with a smile. A wise friend of mine has showed me the true authenticity of that lately. Smiling is good, much better than moping, although it does make it difficult to sleep when your on a natural high.

I'm going to Colwall tomorow hopefull, so long as my Nan isn't busy. I'm going to pay her a visit for the day which should be nice. I like her house - its in the secluded fields of the countryside where the sheep roam and the clouds are so clear that you city folk wouldn't want to come back. Also it smells like wild flowers this time of year :)

So yeah, see you later hippies.

xxx

Yeaaaah.

You know how I was complaining about lack of gigs yesterday? I repent. Elliot Minor are back in town four weeks sunday :) Oh and they're second album titled 'Solaris' will be out on October 19th, whilst the next single 'Electric High' will be available on October 4th. I like the sounds of October. There I've done my promoting for the band, good arent I?

Alex is in trouble though, he can't sign his own name :P and apparently need a haircut.

Muwhaha.

Warpedd

"We are the children of the night, we are the children."

Ohmnomnom the blackout :) You americans are lucky this warped tour. Not only did you have these lovely welsh lads screaming up warped but you have You Me At Six as well now! Tis not fair! And then kerrang has to go and put in a warped blog every week about how great it is when no one in the UK can go. (Obviously, unless your willing to pay god knows how much on a plane ticket to wherever.)

I've been watching elliot minor interviews all morning, come to the conclusion that Alex is really posh. Lol.

xxx

Closure

"If you asked me I would say no."

That feels so fucking great :)

http://secretzen.com

I'll tell you my dirty secret.

Electric Hiiigh

"Take me higher, take me high, when flurescents come to life.
Electric high, electric high
I just wanna feel, I just wanna feel it come to life."

Tell all your friends..

Today I'm not really sure to write about, because yesterday I was so sure of myself. Now though, I am not, and this scares me. All these songs that I craft my hours around are starting to make more sense - the words echo from their voices like wild fires.

Bloody Hell.

Banana milkshake.

I'm stalking kerrang radio, pahaha. Currently You me at six are playing - i like them a lot. The real reason why I'm doing this is because Elliot Minor's new song is in this show at some point. Dunno when that is though. So I'm listening until it comes on :D

Could be here a while... OH THE USED :D

Hmm, well, anyway I'm also writing my story. I did a banner the other day - two actually - the first one was crap but the second is alright. Posting it though, you'll know what its written about. Its a fanfic, admittedly, but I think it has promise.
TAKING BACK SUNDAY :D

Oh um yeah, it says "It sounds crazy to pick between these two...but I had been questioning my sanity for some time." Oh yeaaah! I think it works, and I did it all on paint ftw.

Breep. I think the new song is just coming up after faith no more, so I'm not skipping anymore. Theres only an hour left of the show as well so its not all bad.

Hola tomorow.

Ohmnomnom

Have you ever been in a position when it feels like everyone is unloading the problems of the world on you? Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry or anything that i have people that will come and talk to me about stuff - but sometimes the right thing to do is blatantly infront of us.

Take a look at all the politcal parties for example. They spend the majority of their time sat in the parliment debating things through to work to an agreed outcome. This is because communication is one of the most vital things we naturally have as human beings. Words are so easy to craft and guide into solution makers that this art people forget about.

Talking is good - it unwinds every coil that slowly ties inside us, and it usually solves a problem. It seems like a petty, maybe even, medievil thing to suggest but just because technology has moved on doesn't mean to say that inbasic instincts haven't. No, the have not.

To everyone with a problem right now, talk it out, it may seem like an impossible branch to overcome but its really not. The power of words is incredible. The chances are that everything will get better and the waters of this ocean will calm :)

Bleh.

This really hurts, so, fuck you.

Feelin' bored, not entirely actually but I had an idea for a blog. So, in my last post I wrote that clippet thing from my new story that I shall be posting on twilighted.net soon. (You can probably guess whom or what its about.) But since it's the summer I'm putting up a playlist of some stuff you should go check out. Buddies - go do it on your blogs too!
Oh and the story title is in the playlist.

• Solaris - Elliot Minor (solaris digital download 2009)
• It's Hard To Say "I Do" When "I Don't" - Fall Out Boy (Infinty On High Bside 2007)
• Everything Must Go - Taking Back Sunday (New Again 2009)
• Call That A Comeback - You me at Six (Take Off Your Colours 2008)
• Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine - The Killers (Hot Fuss 2004)
• Jesus Of Suburbia - Green Day (American Idiot 2005)
• Holiday - Green Day (American Idiot 2005)
• Read My Mind - The Killers (Sam's Town 2006)
• Always All Ways (Apologies, Glances and Messed Up Chances) - Lostprophets (Liberation Transmission 2006)
• Living Is A Problem Because Everything Dies - Biffy Clyo (Puzzle 2007)
• Hate To See You Go - The Color Fred (Bend To Break 2007)
• Tranquilize - The Killers ft. Lou Reed (Sawdust 2007)
• Last Call To NYC - Elliot Minor (Elliot Minor 2008)
• The (Shipped) Gold Standard - Fall out Boy (Folie A Duex 2008)
• Saving My Face - KT Tunstall (Drastic Fantastic 2007?)
• Rusted From The Rain - Billy Talent (III 2009)
• Top Of The World - The Blackout (The Best in Town 2009)
• Long Time Comin' - Taking Back Sunday (New Again [bonus tracks]
• Kiss and tell - You me at Six (Take Off your Colour Delux 2009)
• That Golden Rule - Biffy Clyo (that golden rule single 2009)

This is why we can't have nice things

I've been writing a lot lately, and it's quite lovely to do so. My minds been wondering on other things but this project I'm working on seems to hit everything that I want on the head. Although, this clippet I'm not sure whether to put in. See, this isn't a POV story - its third person, because usually that's far more easier to write in. I have this moment though, it's like an insight to my main characters mind. Somehow I want to place this in, but I'm going to pop it on here for now.

This was one of the things that reminded me of home, Central Park, it was like a palace of solidarity in this jungle of a city. The benches were so familiar, the cold metal froze my fingertips in place - it was like a magnet to stopping time. I could see why he wanted to meet me here.
Part of me stung though, as I watched his wirey lips contort into a worried crooked smile. It irritated me that after all this time he was finally wording the perfect things I had always wanted him to say. Time after time, oh how I had practically screamed inside my head.
"He's not the only choice for you, you know," He murmured, drawing his blue eyes to the floor.
I pursed down on my bottom lip as the perfect words were waiting to seep at the, oh so, imperfect time.
"Before, when you said that you wanted me..." He trailed off before grasping his line of stare to mine, "You know that I'm no good for you." He said in a clear statement.
"Then, what do we have to talk about then?" I asked defensively.
The first time he had painfully rejected me was bad enough, I could feel part of the stitches forcing at the seams as his eyes challenged mine.
"However difficult that is to deny, I never said that I didn't want you either." He said softly.
My heart stumbled in my chest, at some point in that simple sentance it had leaped into the pit of my throat. I could remove my stare from his as my eyes widened involentry. Of all the the times to do this...
"I guess, seeing you with him makes me realise how much I do want you - and simply I can't stay away from you anymore." he paused and furrowed his brow seriously, "All I am saying is that you have more than one choice here." He finished before wrapping a crooked smile around his mouth.
Part of me wanted to run, run as far as this land would take me - or at least until I passed out. My heart beat was irregular as his smile continued to hand in with his words and confuse me. It would be so easy to give in, to let the sting of honey to flow freely around my chest but it was tainted. It wasn't just him that gave me that kick anymore. It wasn't just me and him waking up in a hotel room, because now there were three in this.
"Your timing is impecably ridiculous," I worded finally.
My hands desperately found my face and wound through my caramel hair.
"True," He agreed with a small chuckle before becoming gravely serious again, "But I need you to understand that I'm not walking away from you because the way that you're looking at me now tells me not to leave. I will fight for you Eppy," He murmured before whispering, "Like I should have years ago," Although I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear that.
"I don't really like the idea of picking between two men," I grimaced, my tone slightly acidic as I stared at the grey pavement.
"It's my fault," He sighed as he shifted closer towards me - thighs brushing.
"No it's not." I stated almost angrily.
My eyes instantly flickered into his as it dawned how close to me he was now. This wasn't anyones fault, it was just fates sick way of attempting to play cupid. Even if he had said that he wanted me on that fateful Monday morning, I still would have bumped into Alex outside the coffee shop. Thus that feeling returning. Fate was a bitch.

That's all I have at the moment, it's further on in the story so I haven't actually reached it yet but if I didn't write it down I would have forgotten about it. Haha.

Craft Me Like A Work Of Art.

We're fallen at a crossroads, but which way do we go?

Because I'm not sure anymore whos coming with me...