Didn't it?

I fell in love with everything you said,
Too bad I didn't notice, that, the sea had swept me away.

The words were always just hollow birds.

Has to be done.

RIP Micheal Jackson.

It's fair to say that without your inspiration the music that we jam to today would not be of the quality it is. Honesty, one of the greatest musical inspirations of the 21st century.

There will only ever be one Fred Astaire, Elvis Presley and only one Micheal Jackson.

Fear

I can't think how to begin to phrase this thought. How strange? But yet this feels like something that is apparent to everyone everywhere - even if you don't like me.
In this life time it seems to be true that many people often say that we, as one person, are only one half of another and somewhere for the chosen of us there is that perfect otherhalf. I've always believed in that - and I know that if something that good strikes me down then I have pure solidarity. But then if it doesn't then thats life. To be more specific to the point though, the reason behind this blog is the journey to finding that. Now I'm not sure if this is just me, although it probably isn't, but in this cortex we each carry inside even after a feeling has left us for some reason theres this sweet nectar still lingering. Of course, this is for everyone - jesus christ - that would be tiring!
But even though we try so hard to hide our dread - our inner most fears - we still persevere in them anyway and persevering is just as bad as failing on certain occassions. This fear though for some reason beyond the idea of being eaten alive and all the pain that comes along with every glance, we still torture anyway. Sometimes it would be easier to live alone?
Sometimes how it would but the road we walk never runs smooth. And now my heads going all spirrally so I'm going to bed.

Love.

Where?

I don't think she cares. She just walks away and pretneds everythings rosey.

Its not, truly.

Lol at your failure

I hope you tweens are happy, 'cause you ruin everything. Haha.

You've all officially slaughtered Twilight.
Your destroying Elliot Minor.
And...your killing every kind of good music.

I mean, you actual fool - comparing radio head to Hannah Gaytana. To be honest - shes a plastic barbie and radiohead are just awesome.

Ftw with 'satanic' music ;)

A snippet :)

Requiem (snippet)

It was about half past ten when Hayner took off from home. The soft Saturday sun wept from the sky and gave grace to the soft lands surrounding Abberly. Days like today were that of which invited the premeditated flaunts of spring into the imprints of most minds in the area. Some thought about the money tourism would bring, others thought about the experiences that the warm weather would give, but Hayner – well he couldn’t think.

Young Maple trees lined the paths that let into the deep forest thicket on the north eastern side of the town. However warm it was today – Hayner was aware that few people would bother hiking around here after the past circumstances. It was still like a comatose dream to the boy, the news articles and the words in the wind; nothing seemed real because in reality every segment of every memory was in the surreal aspect that it wasn’t believable. It was like a dream from the night before, when you can remember parts but yet some sections are so dark – so terrifying – that it throws all true prospective out of the water. Yet – it was all truth, hand on heart.

The town was in the distance as the boy continued to track at an even pace towards the large array of greens and browns. Rather than having stone paved walkways, the paths around here were worn in dirt from the hundreds of uses in the past. The thick rogue grass crept onto the side of the channel at times but there was never a section were the dirt was disturbed from its harmony. The odd daffodil crop etched into the grass – the wonderful shades of yellow softened the texture and wove with the occasional buttercup. Both were ready for the young mothers and children of Abberly to harvest. The yellows seemed to disappear though, as the trail led further into the forest. Light was stolen from the skeleton limbs of the oak trees and the thick smell of damp wood replaced the softer of spring pollen. Hayner didn’t seem to mind as he marched – his head drew to the floor infront of him – and only did he look up when the path split off into two separate directions.

For those who weren’t aware of the deep forest on the north eastern side of Abberly, you would cease to know what it held within. Now like any human curiosity, exploring, is something that many – young and old – enjoy to seek. Here in the thicket lay an array of wildlife from beautiful little rabbits to disease ridden foxes. In between the shadows of the trees and the underlay of the heather bushes predators lay patiently waiting for their dinner to fall into their skilfully planned traps. Heather lined between trees everywhere making it prime from the damp to form – it was perfect for a parasites den. Nature wasn’t always beautiful.

The boy was slowing in his trail now as the soft lapping of rushing water echoed from beyond the distance. The splashes and the spills rimmed from the large rocks and turns that meandered in the river, it cut through the further side of the forest. Hayner halted as he found the paths disappear.

“Wrong turning,” He muttered with a sharp tone.

The voice awoke at the first sound the boy had made in at least an hour. The haunting howl of laughter rippled around the cells inside his head. A grimace folded across his face as the piercing tone rippled around his mind. In that spot, right there, he would have passed out.

“I refuse to give you the honour,” He bit hard against the soft spring wind.

Another howl of laughter forced along the membrane – grimace in hand – Hayner shook his head potently. It dawned on him then that coming out here could have possibly been a very bad idea. Without the knowledge as to why or as to how this, voice, could be responsible for the countless murders that had occurred in the outskirts of Abberly – including this quaint little wood. He shuddered at the thought.

Ignoring the cackles now, Hayner moved along the grassy edge of the reasonably wide river. He attempted not to think of his chances if he were to fall into the deep waters or even what those deep waters held – insisting – he grasped onto a branch of the tree. It was sharp under his paw, as he dug on harder he felt it scratch at the surface of his skin, allowing the blood to ooze slightly from the thinnest layer. His mind was too busy to care. For one he was focusing away from the cold voice, and for two he was aiming his direct current of thoughts onto the dead log that was resting on either side of the river. It was a perfect bridge. In a swift movement Hayner darted his palm from the sharp branch and onto the damp limb. The blood from the cuts previously kissed from the branch mixed with the wet dirt lingering along the log, he whimpered slightly as the adrenalin drained and the true depth of the cuts sunk in. Biting back the pain he clasped onto the limb with all strength – crouched like a monkey – he pulled himself over the lapping waters. Not once did he look down for the fear would probably cause him to fall. As he lowered himself eagerly off the log at the opposite side he threw away the tremors his muscles had gained and stared triumphantly at the feat he had successfully overcome. Out of the corner of his eye something swung - hanging in the wind off the oak tree was a rope swing that bounced freely in the wind. Panic ran through him then – he prayed, oh so prayed that the children that created that did not come here this year. Especially at night, the thought of what would wait them was unbearable as he sighed slightly.

“That was pathetic,” The voice mocked, finally breaking its icy silence inside his head.

Every segment in Hayner’s brown eyes widened as the voice trilled through his body, and then he continued walking.

“This is even more pathetic!” The voice was laughing manically now. Not a single nerve was left unwrapped from the lacy voice. The forest rushed past Hayner as he ran quicker, hastily picking up the pace. He ignored the sights flashing past his eyes – the pinks merged hand in hand with the browns and greens. It was like someone had placed everything inside the forest into a blender. The music the voice played was cold but yet invited as it snarled in pleasure at the new found speed of pace. It had the tonality of a soft minor chord as the icy ringlets of age rolled over the cracks that were once there.

Hayner’s eyes were firmly shut as he attempted to drown out the sound of the ever so inviting voice. A sigh protruded his lips as he split his eyes open for a second – then the speed dawned on him. The air seemed to flush from his lungs in unison with the colour from his face. He must have been travelling at triple the speed of any normal human? Then again, he did have a voice murmuring inside his head. He had to be crazy, he just had to be.

Don't steal :)

Midtown to Downtown

1. There's this feeling I can't seem to shake off.
2. Nevermind my mind.
3. My own personal brand of herion.
4. New York City blues.
5. The silent song (You and Me)
6. Honey, you don't have to stay.
7. Old habits die hard.
8. 21
   
9. Beauty and the beast
10. Don't let me down.
11. Heading back east.

The Silent Song.

I've officially written the first chapter of my new project.

Well it's not exactly the first chapter because it picks up somewhat half way through the story. I'm still very proud of what I've written. The chapters called 'requiem' and personally I think it's bloody awesome.

This is a picture I drew a while back, before I even had the idea to write a story about these '2' characters. Its not that great of a copy - its in A3 - so I had to scan it in half and half then patch it together. Hayner is the boy and Cedric is the masked creature, oddly though, they are both the same form. Now though comes the decision of which way I continue writing, forward or backward. Haha, sounds fun right?

My stuff.

I think it's time for something new on here; so I've decided to do one blog every week or so on stuff I think that everyone should go and check out.

For a start I've been listening to a lot of music that I had blaring through my ears about three or four years ago. It was around the time when I really got into music and listening to this stuff now - it still sounds are great as it did back then. But theres two albums that are on my top 25 on itunes at the moment.

Now I can tell what you're thinking, "Ugh, another greatest hits album." But to be honest, this album, its bloody awesome. The songs are diverse against the stuff they've written recently. I have to say, not a fan of the new album, but this ones an awesome compilation of what makes Green Day awesome.

Ah, 'Where You Want To Be' - the first album in which TBS had Fred on their writing squad. Let's cut to the chase here, its their best. The songs are so clear cut, and the lyrics are emotionally intricate with not a sign of single sheeted aspects in view. I love this record, and lately its been played a lot because the songs never die in my terms. Go check out both of these Cd's - I can say that you won't be disapointed.

Also, conveniently, today is the day that Clandestine are releasing the highly anticipated 'Clandy Crunch' line - which is basically a made up breakfast cereal. That companies come along way from the orginal line. One of my favourite hoodies though, has to be said, the most recent 'Valentine' themed. It was made for Pete's kid 'Bronx' and was also the first hoodie in the Jenson series. It also happens to be my favourite.
Unfortunately I don't own this one, since there were only 100 ever made - but I still think its insane. You simply have to agree.

And finally - anyone that is aware of my love toward horror movies will be aware that lately with the release of 'drag me to hell' its clear there has been decline in good horror movies. In fact, the last time I saw a horror film that genuinely scared me was 'stephen kings IT' and thats one hell of a old movie. Anyway, one of the short novels in the 'books of blood' by clive barker has been made into a film, "Dread." Now, everyone has been bitching on the IMBD boards that its going to be rubbish because its going to be too different. I think not. It's going to be different because the book is only twenty pages long. Personally I think its going to be awesome.

Oh yeah, it has Jackson in it as well, but I didn't know that until a couple of weeks ago. I think this will be good for him though, the part in Twilgiht really does not portray how good of an actor he is. Shame really. But go watch it when it comes out. I'll post another blog sometime soon when I know when that is.

Helen out!

Capital ME

Oh yeah.

Hoodies are on a plane.

Golden Child.

I honestly do not know where to begin - and that seems stupid considering there have been so many thoughts running through my head in the past 48 hours.

Lets start with a simple thought - them.

I can't comprehend the last time I wanted to get out of this place so much. The walls are like a cage, and every movement, ever sound of which they make pulses my head that little bit more. I hate the fact that my mother favours her. Its torture - I feel numb when I think about it but its the black truth. Everything she does is appraised and given ten gold stars. But whenever I do something its simply a shadow that she has cast before. My mum comes upstairs and wonders why I'm sad or why I'm scowling. Why can't she see? Why is this only rellevant to me?

It could be the fact that this is selfish? But then I resent saying that because this feeling is utterly revolting.

To you this may seem petty but to be honest the fucking world revolves around her and to them - when shes home I'm jackshit. I simply sit up here and become one with the paint work. I'm not clever like her, I don't have charisma like her - and heck my 'gift' with words is a fucking myth when shes around.

This weekend the repulsive guitar broke. The computer saw some sense and decided to die on me - and guess what? "Oh Helen broke the guitar." I did not. The guitar had always been faulty. They complain that I never played it, I doubt when you read this, that you will understand what I say next but I am going to say it anyway. When I play a guitar, its not simply folding your fingers around a piece of maple - its a way in which you can communicate exactly the standards of your mind in one finger stroke. What they do not understand is that if part of that guitar was broken, then how the hell am I supposed to play it with 100% passion? I can't! Its not about the price, what it does, and who made it. Not to me - its about what I can play on it and if it makes me happy.

That guitar never made me happy.

So tomorow we're going to Birmingham (again) to swap it for store credit and I'm going to purchase a new one. Obviously, not to a standard of shitty self tuning computers. Though, my sister has to come apparently.

No.

I don't want her to come - she doesn't need to come. Infact its one of the many things she hates - but according to my mother she needs to navigate her up there. For christ sake! She's never even been therefore she doesn't know the damn way. But no, golden child has to come because apparently, even though for the last two journeys I have drowned out my parents argueing with the memoris of important landmarks, Helen knows nothing. As usual.

They don't even care if I fail my GCSE's. But with her it was all revise, revise, revise. I'd rather have that than nothing at all!

I'm so sick of playing second best because it feels like theres this big weight pressing on my chest and I can sure as hell think of one way to get rid of it. I really, really hate this place at the moment. And I really need a hug - but not even thats going to make this go away. Everything simple runs hand in hand with pandafuckingmodium. I don't want to pretend to not care about this anymore because I really do. And everytime she comes waltzing home I always end up feeling like shit.

And then my mother wonders why I ask if I can go to the doctors about *******? Ugh I bet if SHE asked she'd get it sorted to just like golden child should.

Well fuck you.

Ganglion, bye bye.

Oh yeah! I also did some research the other day about this surgery I might be having in October.

http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/ganglia.html

They don't even put you to sleep! And I saw a video of someone getting it done and I know I will pass out/ throw up all over the surgeon.

OMGS.

Don't trust them.

People aren't into to things that are out of their hands.
Say tomorow, you're walking down the street - heading to wherever it is you need to be, heck, you might not need to be anywhere in particular. Your going to cross the road when you get hit by a car. Theres blood ozzing from your head as you stare dazedly at the surroundings - after the shock sets in people start coming over, some panicking others trying to keep calm. There is nothing you can do - how do you feel?

Are you scared? Are you contemplating the pain running around your broken body? Or are you too deep into shock to realise that this isn't something you can't control?

You can't control something like that - even with minor situations like wathcing a buddy fall to pieces in front of you - you can't control it.

Wheres the brighter side?

It lies within your actions.

Bout time.

I don't undestand, and I can't even comprehend why I'm so angry?

It could possibly be because everytime something goes wrong I sware I won't allow people to walk all over me, but then yet they do.

It could possibly be due to the fact that I can't get around this even if I did take every side street in the world. It sickens me, oh so much. I don't understand why I haven't felt this before - it might be because I haven't allowed myself to think in months?

Or,

It could possibly be due to the fact that I'm so used to feeling like this about you that now its something I can't erase. Its like an ectasy running through me - its hell.

So maybe thats why I'm so angry. Maybe thats why I'm so sad - but to clarify this chain of events, not once did I ever stop to think and maybe if I did we wouldn't be here.

Don't look into this 'cause it won't get us anywhere. Passion over consequence?

I haven't written in a while

My guitar.
Its my red wonder drug - I suppose. Lately I've been trapped between an A and a Cmajor chord. Its strangely thereputic in a sense - but to fall I need some lyrics. And to be honest the only topic I have right now is either fictional (which is good in certain terms) or to write about revision, or finally, resentment.

I think fiction would be easier to explain where as resentment would probably give myself away.

And revision? Who wants to hear about that! Haha.

I should really write something, since I'm possibly recording in a couple of weeks. Fun stuff right? No, my voice is terrible at the moment. I suppose fiction it is.

Byebye >.<

Take two

I'm afriad - all of the time.

Swing

"Lover, lover tell me this; passion over consequence?"

I do not get chemistry at all - sehr confusing.
I really wish I had been paying attention rather than having pencil case wars with Katy all lesson...

Lover, Lover..

What was up with my grammar yesterday? Looking back it was appauling! Thats not good at all Ahh.

Anyway so I got an email this morning from the NEC group, (they've been bothering me with news letters every week since I saw Fall Out Boy at the LG arena last October.) And well this time it actually something good on there - none of this oh look I can press buttons crap.

MUSE! Are coming to Birmingham this November (2 weeks before my birthday to be exact!) I mean thats amazing! Muse are amazing! But I already know its pointless asking my mum because the tickets are £41, that's actually ridiculous. I mean I thought greenday was expensive (£35) but thats just overpriced. The thing is since they're such a huge band over here, you have to buy the ticket on the day otherwise it sells out and you have to pay triple the price on ebay.

Man this sucks. This is why I love smaller venues - its so much cheaper.

I'm just annoyed that it's so much money...it's not like I can't afford because I do have that money in my bank, but I just think its a ridiculous amount of money to pay. Not even Metallica were this expensive.

Hmm me thinks I'm gonna have to beg for a birthday present here haha.

Chemistry revision awaits...

Bye xD

Ftw,

Where did my sim widget go!?!?!

Okay um, well it's out on friday tehee. But mines already on the way, so go buy it peoples because its going to be epic - and you wouldn't wanna miss out on that would you?

The sims 3 ftw.

Welcome..

Helen says: *Gasp*

I just realised its june! Ah a wonderful month - full of major chords on the guitar, hot heat that'll have us complaining by the end of the month and a little unknown thing called that prom :)

So whats the big deal? Alota my friend.

The real me.

So you know me, right?

"Yeah I had it all,
Was sittin' on top of the world.
But I threw it away,
Just to prove that I could."

I didn't think you did.

Hey, my names Helen - pleasure to meet you :)